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Showing posts from July, 2017

Memoirs of a Good Wife ~ Its hurting again...

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They say, when a man is cheating on his wife, he will bring his phone wherever he goes especially to the toilet.
Last weekend, I noticed you brought your phone to the toilet, twice.
The heart breaks again. Again and again, knowing the secret of you loving her is now an open secret and you do not feel the need to hide it from me anymore.
My heart hurts so bad now, as if it’s crying. And If I could just go to corner where no one is around, I will burst out in tears.

I must stop listening to sappy HEARTBREAK love songs. But I can’t help it. Sometimes, I could relate so much to these songs. As if it was written for us.
I heard on IKIM just now, Isteri yang soleha adalah wanita yang taat pada Allah dan Rasulnya dan yang tidak membohongi suaminya…
Allah…. Termasukke aku dalam golongan Isteri yang solehah?
My heart must return to Allah…I must not forget HIM. 24/7 I must remember ALLAH….
I must be kind to all creations...

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Untuknya Segalanya

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Poem buat Cinta Hatiku

Hatiku sering teretak bila engkau tidak setia
Sering ku rasa cintamu hanya berpura pura
Hari demi hari engkau fikir kan dia
Aku yg depan matamu bagaikan terpaksa

Bunga yang cairkan hatiku, bagaikan hanya impian
Jauh sekali kalau nak pimpin tangan
Hatimu bersamanya bagaikan bidadari kayangan
Selagi belum milikmu, engkau berdoa untuk dapatkan

Romatis sikit, tak reti memujuk
Hatiku pecah engkau biarkan
Tapi untuknya engkau sanggup renangi lautan Api
Agar dia bahagia, kesian engkau kata

Aku menunggu bunga impian
Senang nak dapat beli aje di online
"Specially for You" engkau tuliskan
Oh itu hanya mimpi, buang duit bukan?
Jangan salahkanku..itu yang kau selalu ucapkan

Untunya segalanya
Dan buatku hanya apa yang ada
Lebih baik hidup serdehana
Tapi mengapa kata Adil kalau buat tak serupa?

Aku impikan kehidupan bersamamu
Di hari tuaku kita lihat dunia
Ke Turky, Spain London dan Afrika
Oh tidak eh?... itu hanya untuknya.

Polygamy indah? Oh tak sekali
2 wanit…

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Craving for flowers

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He doesn’t know that I am sad,
He loves me more these days, and we show that we care. We are always together But not his heart. Its not fully with me
I cling on to Allah. I never want to forget Allah.  I want to be strong through this and remember that the world is only temporary and the pain in my heart will heal as ALLAH will heal it. Why don’t he send me flowers to cheer me up?… Flowers always works....


Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Stay Kind my dear self.

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I think it gets tiring just being sad everyday Where have I place ALLAH in all this…? I forgot, that ALLAH will never test me beyond my means, and with his test, it means he has already equipped me with the skills to get through this…

Today I just want to remove the hatred and be Kind and Loving.  :)

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Another weekend...

Weekend was good, with us accomplishing a few errands. We bought the Hob, TV and booked curtains and wall papers We had a few meals together and Alhamdullilah managed to spend some alone times with you… By Sunday, we were tired … and you must have known how much I love you.
He said, you have given up on ‘that’ relationship and that you loved her.  This leaves me speechless… what has she done to deserve your love apart from being your friend 14 years ago?
Also, I think you have the most insensitive friends. Maybe to them it is a joke, and its funny… to me, its just heartbreaking. Can they bear to break their wives heart’s just like what you did to mine?
I think we know the answer.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Wanita Melayu Terakhir

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Yesterday, I bought all of us dinner and we ate together.
It feels good to have you around during dinner time. 
Can you tell, I was appreciating the moment?

My kakaks at work calls me ‘Wanita Melayu Terakhir’ They would never entertain their husband’s thoughts on having a 2nd wife. And they certainly won’t be crying over it. They will make a firm stand that if it comes to that, than they will rather let the marriage go as they are happy with their own life and children. Why can’t I be like that?
I have always dreamt to grow old with you. Us, travelling, loving each other.
I feel a little messed up. When you don’t text me, or reply my text, I wonder if you are thinking of her. When you scold me, I feel extra sad, cos maybe you don’t love me anymore. At times, I do feel the distant. At times, you are so close to me.
Can I wake up and realized this was all a nightmare?
And move forward, like old times again?

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Terjatuh Hatiku

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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Di Raut Wajahmu

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Aku rasa diriku terseksa Takde orang tahu melainkan Rabb ku yang Maha Esa, Semalam, ku lihat lagi raut wajahmu Dah engkau pandang namanya buat seketika, Mengapa fikiranmu ke sana, sedangkan aku ada disisimu Aku juga tahu, di waktu aku menunggumu menelefon ku di tempat kerja, Sebenarnya hatimu bersamanya Patutlah lambat jawapan Watsapp ku, dan takde juga pangillan darimu Batinku terseksa, walaupun dari zahirnya, aku senyum juga
Aku takut kehilangan cintamu Sampai bila harusku bergini, Aku lebih berhak, yang Halal bagimu Dia hanya illusi, kenangan silam yang tak patut dikenangi, Masihkah ada harapan untuk engkau lupakannya? Hanya pada Rabbku aku meminta
Adakah benar apa yang ku mimpi Jangan engkau salahkan takdir Illahi. Wahai Imamku, kembalilah padaku, Aku di sini, setia menanti kehadiranmu Walaupun hati ini telah dilukai
Janjiku di akad, harusku tepati Suamiku hingga akhir hayatku Temanku di Syuga suatu hari.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Everytime...

Everytime I think of this,  I feel like crying.......
Everytime I think of us, and the happy times, I feel like crying...
Everytime, I think of what you said, I feel like crying....
but I know, 
ALLAH is next to me, HE Knows and He Understands.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Biarkanlah

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Semua pernah tercipta Seakan terhapus sudah segala Tak mampu ku kembali Biarkan saja berakhir di sini Biar patah hatiku Biarkanlah Aku pergi demi hidupmu
Biar hancur harapku Lepaskanlah Aku pergi demi bahgiamu
Semua janji terbina Seakan sudah tiada bermakna Tak mampu ku kembali Biarkan saja berakhir di sini
Biar patah hatiku Biarkanlah Aku pergi demi hidupmu
Biar hancur harapku Lepaskanlah Aku pergi demi bahgiamu
Selagi kita masih bersama Semakin ku terluka
Biar patah hatiku Biarkanlah Aku pergi demi hidupmu
Biar patah hatiku Biarkanlah Aku pergi demi hidupmu
Biar hancur harapku Lepaskanlah semuanya Aku pergi demi bahgiamu

Memoirs of the Good Wife...~ The Pain

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Do you know the pain your heart feels when your husband tells you he loves another woman besides you?
And when he feels angry when you speak bad about the other woman? And he kept protecting her.
When his face changes to displeasure and he kept silent when you cannot accept her as your ‘Madu’
Do you know how disappointed you will feel to know, you are no longer exclusive in his heart. That he has another woman in his heart? That he said he loves you more, but he still loves her. That he wanted you to put away the rivalry and think of sisterhood.
Do you know the sadness you feel when he said She was his first love when you know, you are the first woman to surrender your heart, body and soul to him….?
Do you know how guilty this will make you feel when you know, it is allowed in Islam but you are not accepting it because you know this will destroy you emotionally and mentally?

The pain is such, a knife has cut the heart and it is left bleeding and you constantly control the tears from falling…

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Crushed...

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She could still remember the day he told her about his wish to marry another woman. They were both in the car, it was on one of the the last 10 days of Ramadhan 2017.
He said it as if he didn’t hurt her…She found it difficult…but she repeated what was said to confirm what she heard was right. Her tears just started to flow and the pain she felt in her heart was harsh.
How could he offer to marry MH (the other woman)…? Why does he want to make her happy? So what if MH was his first love…? Didn’t 12 years of marriage override his first love? So many thoughts rushed through her head.
Disappointed was just an understatement. Devastated and betrayed.
Most importantly….she realised all these years, when he mentioned about taking a 2nd wife, he was actually serious. What about their marriage?… What about the memories and happy road that they had travelled together, being each other’s strength? What about the challenges they had been through with each other?
Suddenly, it was all about MH, her fee…