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Showing posts from March, 2012

Closure...

Went to visit my Arwah Nadia’s family last night. Alhamdullilah, it was a good visit and I had closure. Her house was close to mine, and within a short drive, hubby, Adik and me arrived. We went up and was greeted by her family members, they were Arabs and there was some familiar faces.
Food was served, and while hubby sat with the men in the next flat, I sat at the main hall feeling Adik bread and curry chicken. Over at the men’s side, I could see Nadia’s brother. He looked tired and worn. He eyes tells me her cried so much. My heart goes out to them
Shortly after, my friend’s sister Diyana, came out of the room. We hugged, kiss each other’s cheeks and I tried my best to control the tears. She looked calm, and sweet, so I didn’t want to spoil that. We chatted, she told me the whole story, how it all happened, it was as the original story of a bad asthma attack after she had some waffles at the Singapore Post Building. She wasn’t even suppose to go work that day but she went as sh…

~ Life is fragile...

A sad resigned feeling warped my whole body as looked at a friend's wall message on Facebook. It has been confirmed by her husband that she had breathed her last breath. Suddenly, there was a 'sebak' moment at the heart.

Adik looked at me as my tears trickled down my cheeks. Adik innocently asked me what was wrong with a stunned face.

My baby girl, she wont understand death....not yet.....

I said Innallillah wa Innailahi rojiuun and tried to explain to her why I was sad. "Nadia dah mati...Go tell Abah, Nadia dah mati sayang" Adik ran out of the room, met her father in the hallway and told him just that. It took awhile for hubby to get in the room and check on me. By the time, he came in, I had already burst into tears remembering Nadia and her kids. Hubby looked at me sadly but didnt say anything....

This episode clearly tells us that death can come to anyone, anywhere, sick or healthy, old or young.... Most of the time, I forget. Most of the time, I cling to my…

Breathless

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It’s been 2 weeks since I started reciting Surah Al Baqarah for the new home. Since the surah is rather long, the usual read will be about 2 pages every morning using my trusted Blue Quran after praying Fajr…..hoping that the new place will be protected from any harm. Praying hard that Rahmah and Sakeena come in from the open windows.
I learnt that reading surahtul Baqarah is a must in a new home aside from reading Surahtul Kursi and reciting the Azan on the 4 corners of the home. Other amalan can be reading Ratib and surah Yasin.
This morning, while reading the surah, nearly reaching my 2 page mark, I suddenly felt breathless as if I was gasping for air. It could be because I was reading a very long verse and I hadn’t waqaf at a point where I think I should have. I stopped for a while, took a few deep breaths but still I was gasping for air. The window beside me was open, and I reckon it would be no problem for the cool dawn air to pump in a lot of oxygen to my brains.
Ever since my…

Writing....

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Had a huge inspiration to write a book!
Loving every moment of it....
My personal gift to my kids, a book written by Ummi....
Fictional .... may base on experience, but with  lots more drama added to it.

That Diet...

Been meaning to go for a diet for the longest time,  an attempt to go slim for my Brother's wedding next month would be a reason big enough. I'd always say Tomorrow! Yes Tomorrow is the day where I will start to fill my tummy with veggies and fruits (yucks!) yet the day never comes as If Im the biggest liar lying to myself, making empty promises in my heart, stuffing myself with every delicious and savoury food I could get my hands on. Euuu, just sounded so evil. A serial glutton I may sound, but only a lady with a monster appetite I would say due to the ranging harmones of a woman in her 30s on meds.
 :  )

Let's be Good...

Masya'allah, super nice weekend.

Thank you hubby, you brought me to 3 Maulids over the weekend !!

All with the will of Allah, All with the invitation of Allah, All because of the power of Intentions.

Friday night, was Majlis Rasullulah at Masjid Abdul Razak, bestnya, with flags flown high, selawats and Ustaz Hasan's doa was so powerful. I met some friends there and my sis-in-law juga ada, so we had fun with the kids. Awe-some!

On Saturday night, hubby brought us at a Maulid along Jalan Yasin lead by Ustaz Iqbal. The maulid and ceramah was awesome. Ustaz reminded us to have tawaduk as no one will be jealous of this nikmat tawadhuk and also just be simple nice and not to hold grudges on people when we sleep at night.
I felt so happy seeing Abang eating briyani satu hidang with his Abah and Abah's friends which included Ustaz Anwar and Uncle Jalil. Abang macam dah besar gitu. We did managed to sneek into the men's side to pass Abang some ice cream and air kathira and Aban…

Being Happy for others

Going through each day, Trying to think good, feel good, thankful, I guess that’s how I go through my life now I want to cleanse my heart. I am trying.
Evidently, from the looks on their faces, I guess as much that sometimes, they can't stand my presence. That force smile, that observation from afar, the reluctance to salams…. Sometimes I wonder who are we trying to please in this world?
I am so sorry, that my patience and smiling face irks them. But seriously what can I do? I want to be patient. This world is a place where alot of patience is needed.
Thankfully, I have a lot of love ones who likes to meet and talk to me, if a day comes that no ones is here for me, I pray that I am happy as I want to have complete reliance on God and only GOD.
A good news is a blessing, A bad news is sad news, which we must learn from….. There is too much hatred and jealously these days , too much negative thinking and too much bad thinking and no one is actually being grateful to our creato…

Her sadness

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I do not know how to explain the feeling that I have right now,

I am disgusted by the hypocrites around me, but I know I shall not hate them for no one is worse but myself

I am saddened by the troubled, especially a woman nearing her 60s, always confiding in me till she is having suicidal thoughts,

but I have no control over her life unless I want to invite problems into my own life.

I realised, despite being happy, and thankfully blessed with a peaceful home, there are many people and homes that are unhappy and cruel.

A child shouting and scolding a mum is cruel.

A child just snatching a mum's ATM card and taking her money without her consent is cruel.

A mother's lack of control over her kids actions just because she is old and alone is heart wrenching.

Sadly, I do not have the will power to stop all this. Only Allah has.

I realised, the only way I can help these saddened people is by always making good doas for them, after my solah or as and when I think of them.

A woman…

Dear D,

Dear D,

There are days where I still wish you could be with us.

I have learnt to forgave, to not live in the past,

but I do not know how to accept her yet.

D,

I remember your kampung stories, your travelling stories of sailing the high seas, and how you worked your way up to be who you are when you raised us.

Tears just drop when I think of the good times. Sadness in the heart, the heart feels the thud.

Deep Breath, inhale, acceptance to what Allah has bestowed on on our fate. Some days, I pretend that you are dead.

Memories of the younger days,  when I was young and you would bring us to Melacca and around Malaysia.

Bitter sweet memories, That is all I am taking with me....

I wish you well daddy, I pray that you will be happy, But above all this, I wish for God's forgiveness and Mercy to you.


P/S : Thank you for 24 years of raising me up. Along the way, we did have happy times.

Maids Off Days...oh boy...here goes.

I read with a heavy heart on the news in TODAY newspaper for mandatory weekly off days for maids starting next year.

This is my story...

We employed our first helper in year 2009 when I returned back to the workforce after having my second child. She was an inexperience helper but rather smart, took instructions well, very loving to the children and we treated her like our family. Her salary was SGD$330 before the SGD$170 government levy and I would still pay her $350 a month to motivate her further.
After her two years was up, she had to go home to get married, thus we had to pick another helper. Again we picked an inexperience helper thinking we could train her like our first one. But we were wrong. She was terrible in housework, could not handle the kids and made many dangerous mistakes like allowing my kids to play with the hot water flask and dropping my baby girl while carrying her. My happy life suddenly became very miserable, depressing and stressful. After a month with this …

Smile... ~

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AssalamuAlaikum,

To myself, be strong, have faith in Allah
Allah will protect the weak.
Allah will guide the repented slave,
Allah knows what our Intentions are...

~ Looking forward for this weekend,
eventhough I cant join the Maulid Convoy this sat, I look forward to spending time with the mum and kids

~ I had so much fun with my colleagues last night at the Marina KTV...its so rare that I do this, but since its a company even and we were all made to dance with our department staff, I guess once and a while I let my hair down.....
of cos not too often cos its Haram! as I have male colleagues around too...
I just felt, I needed to be sporting since I missed a few important company gatherings last year...
My colleagues love having me around, somehow, I can be so funny at times and I can eat! They love that side of me....

~ Agak-agak bila dah sedih tu, cepat bounce back...
Kita tak bolehlah asyik sedih aje, apahal ngan anak dan suami kita kan,
tak manis kalau muka selalu bonyok aje,,,
J…

~ Chin up ~

Rasa sedih lah hati ni.....
you said u will stay a million steps back and I msg u saying pls dont, at least to the kids....
but no replies after that....

bila sudah kehilangan kawan,
jahat buruk dia, macam dah tak kenang lagi,
asyik terbayang bayang kebaikan dia.....
apa nak buat, dah pun beralah , tetapi tak diterima....*senyum*

nothing is permanent in this lifetime,
friends come and go,
......but true friends stay...

Well, I will pray that we will be friends again... Mungkin ada hikmah nya....
I felt the need to protect my son, and so I did...
Maybe if I had been again patient with my feelings and emotions,
you wont be this angry with me and I will probably forget my anger towards you or the matter.

Sedih nah rasanya, but someone once told me dont be too sad cos tats when Syaitan takes opportunity to enter.
So chin up, life goes on and be positive...

Alhamdullilah, im not suffering from what I thought I had...
Its just stress from many things and I need to learn to relax.