Thursday, March 9, 2017

~The Journey - 4 years On...

I would never have thought that 4 years since 2013, I would have the strength to write like this...

Someone wrote to me today.
Regarding Abang’s ADHD. I could see myself in her 3 years ago. Confused and worries, cos there are many questions unanswered.

The sad thing is ADHD is not a sickness where you can see the marks or symptoms. Kids with ADHD look normal, but their brains cannot process some things, therefore most people who do not know about ADHD will think and presume that the child is naturally naughty, stubborn, rude and ill-discipline. The parents get the blame for not discipline the child thus, putting a lot of anger and frustrations in the parents.

It really helps if both parents can accept the fact and stick together to help the child. For my case, I was really alone because my husband, do not believe in ADHD.

Alhamdullilah, it’s been 4 years since Abang was diagnosed. It’s still a challenge, most days, I have to repeat myself like a parrot for him to stop beating Adik, or for him to study and revise, but I must be honest. Despite Abang behaving like a small boy even though he is already 10, he does know how to behave when he is outside. He loves small kids and he is really sweet to me sometimes.

He gets angry easily but when I talk to him softly and nicely, he can listen. I love Abang with ALL my heart. And I am glad, Allah still give me a chance to live for me to see Abang’s growth and to take care of him.

Don’t give up parents.

Equip yourself with knowledge.

If you have to take leave to bring your child for check ups, GO. You’d be surprise to see there many other kids with worse conditions than your child when you go to Child Guidance Clinic.

Take it one day at a time. Keep in close contact with your child’s teachers.
As for advise from parents with similar situation. My boss’s son has ADHD. From small, he was hyper, anti social, bad in studies and could not concentrate long in school. Fast forward to 2016, this boy went through his O’Levels, passed with flying colours, went up stage to get outstanding award and now in polytechnic. He even has a pilot license. He is so much better behave all because he found a girlfriend who could encourange him. 
Woah right??

My boss… never gave up on her son. That’s her advise to me.

So parents, Advise your child, remind him on the Dos and Donts.

Rewards them for good behavior.

There will be testing times, REALLY TESTING TIMES… cry it out. No one will know your pain, some friends may even think you are nuts to label your child as ADHD kid. But ADHD is real.

Only those parents whose kids have ADHD / ADD / Autism will understand. It is a struggle…

But things will get better. Believe. 

Thursday, February 23, 2017

~ Mummy

Mum in a wheelchair at SGH A&E at 4am

The past few days has been rather tiring.
I haven’t had proper sleep, waking up at 3.30am.
I wake up, go to the toilet, take wudhuk and have been doing night prayers.
I pray for mummy’s health and that the suffering would not be much.
Sometimes I read Ratib, or surah Yasin or just recite selawat Syifa many times.
I sleep again at 5am and wake up for the day’s events at 6.15am.

Mummy is now alone, in isolation ward, because the Drs need to check if she has TB in her lungs.
She has been tested positive for TB in her spine…
Meaning 6 weeks of Antibiotics under IVF drip… Allah : (
I can sense she wants to give up. She misses home. She misses her grandkids, but I am in really no control of when she can be discharged.

This antibiotics also comes with its own side effects eg liver and nerves failure. But then again, all medications comes with a risk of side effects although it’s low.

Last week I sent mum to SGH at 4am, thank GOD there was no crowd. She was admitted and is under the orthopedic ward.

I love her, though at times, I am abit harsh with her as I want her to be strong as well.

The kids are oblivious to how tired I am. My right eyelids twitched badly today….
Tampines to Outram is not near. Being at SGH itself is very depressing.

I don’t know if mum can make it… will I still see mum this Ramadhan? Actually I have this fear that she might go soon. But as the older sister, I cannot show my fears. I tell the kids to treasure their grandma. I am afraid Abang can’t take it if Mummy is no longer around, being the 1st cucu and closest to his Dadi.

Friday, February 17, 2017

~ Spine Infection...

Everytime mum goes into hospital,
My life will go topsy turvy
For a start, the hospital is not near home, from Tampines to Outram is quite a journey.
The journey itself is tiring as the walk to the hospital blocks are a challenge when going with kids.
To Drive there also takes effort.
Not having time on my side also drains me and I have to juggle a full time career, kids schoolwork/tuition and time for visiting mum and speaking to the drs all at once.

you feel me?

We took mum out from CGH after a minor commotion at the ward when Mas went against the Drs advise to get mum out. Her fever was down but the scans showed something unusual.
I will be sending mum to SGH later tonight... maybe ard 3 am to beat the A&E crowd
We have to get Mum warded there instead. The DRs at SGH seems more knowledgeable and sure, thus leaving us feeling at ease.

CT scan showed some pus on the bottom of her spine....causing the excruciating pain that mum have been putting up with lately. We had thought that the pain was due to her kidneys since she is a kidney failure patient.

The MRI scan showed no infection on the nerves but there is spine infection. Spine Infection if not treated can cause paralysis and mum won’t be able to control her bowels ( I think this is the worst case scenario)

CGH wanted to do more test and trials in which we were afraid that cost could go up and up and up. We also felt if there was any test to be done, it would have been better to do it at SGH where her renals Drs were at.

As it is, mum is not covered by any insurance, except for Medishield Life which the govt has kindly gives us.

The Drs at CGH said this will not be a short admission.... we have to be mentally, physically,emotionally prepared. 

Seriously, I am worried.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

~ Mum....

Back from hiatus. 
The past few mths was spent on caring, fussing and spending time with the kids and immersing my concentration on their school work and their well being of adjusting to a new class with new teachers. 

I tried to heal myself by forgetting about that one person whom I had yearned for. 
I cut off all contacts and I spend my free time, reading the Quran. 

I tried to drown my sorrows by cooking for the kids, I thought I was doing well, on the road to happiness....

but even that didn't really prepare me for what I was told a few moments earlier.

Mum has a spine infection and she has to be warded longer. The Dr's at CGH is not farmiliar with this bug, thus more test would have to be done. I am praying her MRI scan results will be negative of anything deadly.
2 days ago, I rushed mum to the hospital at 3am in an Ambulance. It was my first ambulance ride and I never thought, that one day I would be sitting in front of an ambulance, while mak sits at the back with paramedics around her. It was also the first time I called for an ambulance. 995.

In the wee hours of the night, Mum had raised the white flag and could no longer bear the back pains, top with one week of fluctuating fever, highest being 41degress. I think this old lady had suffered enough. 
she requested for an ambulance in the midst of her pain.

My heart is now worrying....and I don't know how else I can release this feelings, here now in the office.... besides writing it out. 

Friday, November 4, 2016

~ A real Ummi

A Real Ummi…

Emotional, Yet the Rock
Tired, but keeps on going
Worries but full of Hope
Impatient, yet Patient
Overwhelmed but never quits
Amazing even when doubted
Wonderful, even in chaos
Life Changer, every single day

 I read the above somewhere and could not agree more.
I tend to be the rock in my family, the scheduler, the one who plots our activities and plans our errands.
I instruct, I remind, I activate.
I give my opinions, I love, I scold….I am basically a spider with eight legs juggling everything from what food to eat to what to do during our free time…
I often think what would happen to the kids, if I am no longer around. How will they survive without me..without my love and opinions?
I know, that question itself is already wrong. For there is another that is way more organized.. more loving.. more firm and powerful than me.
I leave my worries in HIS hands.
Allah HU Rabbi.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Habib Umar Bin Hafiz Visit 2016

Alhamdullilah, Wasyukurilla...

Alallamah Habib Umar Bin Muhammad bin Salim bin Hafiz..Ulama' dari Hadramawt, Yaman, telah sampai ke Singapura hari ini....
Hati ini telah niat hendak pergi ke Masjid Sultan untuk majlis utamanya...
namun Tuhan lebih mengetahui.... 
Diri ini....Tidak diizinkan kerana datangnya Haidh. 
Badan juga rasa letih setelah hampir 2 minggu bermula kerja di pejabat pada jam 7 pagi. 

Alhamdullilah juga diri ini beruntung dapat habis kerja jam 4 petang, sesuai sangat untuk hadir Tausiyah oleh Hubabah Nur, isteri kepada Habib Umar. 
Acara bermula jam 5 petang tadi di Madrasah Aljunied Al Islamiah berdekatan dengan Masjid Sultan. 

Alhamdullilah, Adik bersama Ummi pada waktu itu.....itulah yang buat Ummi syukur sangat. 

Inilah sedikit dari Tausiyah Hubabah Nur yang dapat diri ini menulis tadi: 

b-ismi-llāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīmi بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ "In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful".

1. Banyaklah berselawat pada Nabi Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم. 
Jikalau kita berselawat pada Baginda Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم
1000 x kali, maka ALLAH akan padang pada kita pada hati kita. Dan jikalau ALLAH pandang kita, diri kita tidak akan diazab kan. Diri ini akan dibersihkan dari penyakit hati seperti hasad dan dengki. 

2. Penyakit hati seperti maksiat menjadi titik hitam di hati ini. Baginda Rasullulah صلى الله عليه وسلم pernah berkata hati ini kechil dari setengah jari. Jika hati ini baik, maka badan kita akan sihat. 

3. Hati ini selalu Berbolak Balik. Maka berdoa lah pada tahiyat ahkir doa ini 

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ ~“Yaa muqollibal qulub tsabbit qolbi ‘ala diinik”~ Wahai Zat yang membolak-balikkan hati teguhkanlah hatiku di atas agama-Mu

4. Hati ini cepat dipengaruhi. Lebih cepat dari air yang mendidih apabila ia direbus dengan api. Maka berdoa lah pada ALLAH untuk selamat kan hati ini. ALLAH berkata, berdoa lah pada ku, nescaya aku akan menjawab nya. 

5. Hadirkan hati ini apabila solah. Kusyuk dan fahamkan bahasa dalam solat kita. 

6. Neraka Jahanam buat orang orang yang melakukan maksiat dan untuk orang orang kafir. Didalamnya, api menyala dari kebakarang api dan manusia. Ia dijaga oleh malaikat yang besar dan kuat. 

7. Bacalah surah Alfateha 100 X kali untuk dikabul hajat Dunia dan Akhirat. 

8. Di dalam Neraka Jahannam, Baginda Nabi Muhammad  صلى الله عليه وسلم pernah terlihat orang orang yang diketuknya kepalanya dengan batu, kepalanya hancur, lalu, ditumbuhnya kembali dan diketuk lagi. Kata Jibril a.s, itulah orang yang berat untuk solat subuh. Nabi Muhammad menangis ketika melihatnya itu. 

9. Baginda Nabi Muhammad  صلى الله عليه وسلم juga lihat wanita wanita yang rambutya digantung. Kata Jibrail a.s., itulah wanita wanita yang menunjjukan rambutnya dan auratnya kepada lelaki yang bukan muhrimnya. 

10. Jagalah keluarga kalian dari api neraka. Ajaklah keluargamu, anak2mu kepada kebaikan. Seorang wanita juga akan ditanya apa yang telah ia lakukan untuk mendidik keluarga nya.

11. Rumah yang ada orang bercampur lelaki perempuan yang bukan muhrim, bergaul dengan bebas, maka penduduknya telah menempah tempat di Neraka.

12. Allah sembunyikan 3 perkara dalam 3 perkara. 

Taat dalam Ketaatan 

Murkanya dalam maksiat

Rahsianya dalam makhluknya.

Kita tidak boleh menilai manusia. 

13. Jangananlah kita bersangka buruk terhadap manusia kerana itulah sesuatu dosa. ALLAH telah berkata semua anggota kita akan dipersoalkan suatu hari nanti, termasuk hati kita ini 

14. Hubabbah bercerita tentang nabi Isa, waliAllah Hawarri dan seorang Fasik. 
Janganlah kita bersangka buruk tentang orang orang Fasik, kerana, Suul Zhon itu sesuatu dosa. 

15. Hubabah Nur juga ceritakan tengtang hamba wanita yang berkerja di rumah Baginda Nabi Muhammad  صلى الله عليه وسلم
Dia ialah wanita yang banyak berbuat dosa, tetapi kerana dia bersedekah setengah biji kurma nya kepada orang yang tidak ada makan, maka ALLAH mengampunkan dosa dosa nya. 

16. Nangislah wahai manusia kerana takut pada ALLAH. Setitik air mata yang keluar kerana takut pada ALLAH lebih baik dari orang yang telah menderma wang dan emas untuk kejalan ALLAH. 

Majlis akhir dengan doa and juga para Jemaah dapat bersalam dengan Hubabah. Yang buat Ummi syukur sangat ialah apa bila, Hubabah Nur mencium kepala Adik. 

Diri ini sangat berasa sebak...dan insaf juga..memikirkan segala dosa dan maksiat yang telah dilakukan.....

Sunday, October 30, 2016

~ Just Treasuring each other

Bonding time together at the Hill Top Bridge

Adik surveying the FIG tree 

The weekend passed by too quickly these days...
I love the ones where we get to spend time together doing fulfilled activities
I love my family and treasure every moment with them....
The kids grow up too fast actually.

This weekend, Adik and Abah joined Ummi on a long 10km hike along the southern ridges.
Even though it wasn't an easy trail, you guys did not complain and accompanied my whims and fancies. 

I also got to bring Abang to a big meal for dinner at Swensons Changi Airport since he gave the trail a missed. Its important I get to spend time with both my kids, equally....

Nothing else matters if the kids are happy in a good way. I also told Dear Hubby how much I treasure him spending time with me. 

I love you guys with all my heart. 
Healing is a process
Letting go of the EGO.
and Just loving....

At the end of the day, its being with who treasure you the most.