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Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Ummi Loves You....

Hādhā min fadli Rabbī 
Today....I realised that there is no one I'd rather tell my sadness to other than Allah. 

Not to Bibik, not to my best friend at work and certainly not to any of my family members. 

I don't even think I should be writing any more memoirs in my blogs as I want my kids to read this blog one day when I am not around anymore. 

Abah has been the best husband to Ummi no matter what his short comings are and there is no other man I would dream of marrying other than Abah. Abah has taught Ummi many things and he has made me so happy in many ways. 

I want you kids to know that I love Abah very much. 

Ummi love you kiddos. 

Ummi love Abah....

Ummi loves Abang and Adik....

Ummi minta maaf kalau Ummi tak sempurna.

Ummi will continue trying my best to keep our family together.

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ I remember.....

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Tears are falling down endlessly but I am trying to be strong....
I am lost, trying to understand.

Because of the hurt, I cry during lunch, during solat zohor, during lonely walks home, during Asar and Magrib. 
The pain inside seems burning.....

This whole idea is breaking me down. 

How can I be happy,
when we had so many happy memories together. 
Its like I am hanging... just hoping and praying the day won't come.

I remember feeling thankful every time I see you come back from your dive trips. 

I remember how I panicked when I woke up at 3am and you are not next to me just cos you went to JB and not tell me about it. 

I remember how I would discuss with you all the important decisions in my life, or would tell you when anyone hurt me. 

I remember how I would always protect you when someone speaks ill of you...

I remember how you would buy me shoes, watches, clothes when you feel I needed it.  

I remember how happy I feel if you are happy and spending time with the kids. 

I remember listening t…

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ Janji ku...

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Mungkin Allah hendak selamatkan aku dari terus dikotori dosa
dari melupakan diri dan dari terus dilanda kemarahanmu....

dari melupakan Allah semata-matanya kerana semuanya indah aja...

dengan cubaan ini, aku lihat kehidupan ku lebih rapat dengan Allah. 

Malam, aku dikejut para malaikat sekitar jam 3pagi...
lalu aku bangun untuk solat sunat Tahajjud, Hajat dan Istighara dan Tawbah
Tidak sekalipun pipiku tidak dibasahi tangisanku lantas aku beristigfar and memohon agar suamiku dan anak2ku tidak akan terpisah dari diriku selagi nyawaku masih lagi hidup dan jantungku berdetik.

Aku bertaubat sepenuhnya....aku ingin menjadi isteri yang lebih prihatin dan hormat kepada suami dan juga kepada semua orang dari sekarang...Iya betul, hidup ini sebatang kara sebenarnya. Dengan sekelip mata aja, Allah boleh mengambil orang yang kita sayangi dari kita bukan? 

Kini....Hidupku hanya untuk Allah, Rasullulah, suamiku dan anak-anaku, dan orang yang aku sayangi dan aku telah bertekad untuk menjadi manusia yang pe…

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ It wont be easy

Ive lived with you for 12 years… I don’t know how to live my life other than with you
My heart is breaking….every minute yet I want to spend what time I have with you just showing how special you are to me and hopefully 1 day, you will forget her.
Polygamy is not easy. In the not so ideal world, anything can happen
I need to be strong for my children.

For now, my solace is she is not responding to any of this. 
May Allah protect us from anything that will bring us sadness and heartbreak. Aameen

Memoirs of the Good Wife ~ In Laws and Hearts broken

Its been 5 days since her dad said he made a police report against me for Harassment. I don’t know which part was harassment as it was family affairs and all this while in my 5 attempts to contact her, I had been very polite and full of adab.
I also don’t know if he was just threatening me so I would stop texting him. He didn’t want his daughter to be blamed in all of this. I understand.  
Never once had I hurled any vulgarities to them. That is not me. But of course I was getting paranoid. I don't know what was happening as you never reassure me. 
The emotional turmoil of what her dad said in his last text was so great, I could not eat and in this spate of 5 days, I lost 2.5 KG. What he said about me and us were totally not true. 
I had also deleted whatever information I had of her from my phone and her dad’s contact number. I don’t want to remember them anymore.
I had also deleted all my Memoirs of a Good Wife series relating to this incident cos I was too afraid it was deemed as …

~ May 2017.... The feelings I feel

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I felt so empty today, maybe cos it’s been 3 days of heavy bleeding….. The soul felt lost. As if there is no life, like a zombie just making her way to work, on a gloomy Monday Morning….. My heart belongs at home with my kids… after spending a good weekend with them…My lips smile, thinking of the last weekend…. Drove around with the kids and Mum…I feel proud of myself, able to take up my hubby’s role which is to run the errands and able to drive further than my comfort zone. We went to my cousin’s place in Bedok and then I drove mum and Rania back to Figaro.
The past few months have been a big test for me… with mum’s sickness and Abang’s behavior issues. I must say, I don’t really know how I managed to go through all this if it is not for Allah’s help. Many times, I felt as if I was going crazy. Juggling everything from a daughter, to a mother to a wife. Not to mention his in senseless idea to get a second wife.
Am I selfish to not agree?
Anyway, Mum is well now, Alhamdullilah….her spine i…

~The Journey - 4 years On...

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I would never have thought that 4 years since 2013, I would have the strength to write like this...

Someone wrote to me today. Regarding Abang’s ADHD. I could see myself in her 3 years ago. Confused and worries, cos there are many questions unanswered.
The sad thing is ADHD is not a sickness where you can see the marks or symptoms. Kids with ADHD look normal, but their brains cannot process some things, therefore most people who do not know about ADHD will think and presume that the child is naturally naughty, stubborn, rude and ill-discipline. The parents get the blame for not discipline the child thus, putting a lot of anger and frustrations in the parents.
It really helps if both parents can accept the fact and stick together to help the child. For my case, I was really alone because my husband, do not believe in ADHD.
Alhamdullilah, it’s been 4 years since Abang was diagnosed. It’s still a challenge, most days, I have to repeat myself like a parrot for him to stop beating Adik, or f…